I remember when I was contemplating ending my relationship with my daughters Dad like it was yesterday. I was PETRIFIED and deeply ashamed of the thought of becoming a single Mom for the second time.
How will this effect my daughter?
What would people say?
What would everyone think of me?
Obviously, I knew from experience that my daughter would be ok, parents separate all the time and in her generation it’s pretty normal. The reason I held out as long as I did, I am now able to admit was SHAME. The mindset I had at that time was that I would rather stay in a situation that made me desperately unhappy and lonely for fear of being judged!
Sadly, I don’t think I’m alone with this. So many people stay in unhappy relationships kidding themselves it’s ‘for the sake of the kids’ when really it’s because they fear the stigma and shame attached to being a single parent – even with the possibility of infinite happiness! Crazy but I get it!
I wanted to write this blog as if it was written for me to read back then when I was contemplating leaving and also in the months after I did.
When a family home breaks down there will be sadness and heartache and while I encourage trying to keep your family together for the right reasons, plodding on and hoping for the best will never end well, not for you, your partner and certainly not for the kids.
So, this is for those of you that are either thinking about or have made the difficult decision to leave. To let you know that you have nothing to feel ashamed about, there is light at the end of the tunnel and everything will be okay, I absolutely promise you!
You don’t need me to tell you all of the negative thoughts around being a single parents as I’m sure you’re more than familiar with those already (60-80,000 thought’s day remember we don’t gotta listen to them all…HELLOOOOO Meditation) and lets face it it’s a shitty time especially at the beginning and the last thing you need to read are reminders as to why.
So, instead I’m gonna share with you my top 3 things I LOVE about being a PROUD SINGLE MUM!
- QUALITY 1-2-1 TIME WITH MY KIDS – ALL of my most precious parenting moments have been one on one. Holidays, daytrips, walks around the park, morning snuggles in bed. They’re priceless and they belong only to us. I get to do things my way and Dad gets to do things his way and that’s okay!
- LOTS OF TIME TO DO MY OWN THING – I get that not everyone has the same agreement in terms of splitting their time. However, make sure you come to an agreement that is beneficial for everyone ESPECIALLY YOU! With both of mine I have made sure I had plenty of time to ‘fill up my own cup’ and I am a BIG supporter of holidaying child free at least once a year (even if it’s just a weekend). Don’t believe the BS about it being selfish, I cherish this time alone AND I truly believe this makes me a better and more patient parent.
- Being in a healthy and loving relationship is now a real possibility for me – I’m a hopeless romantic and despite the fact I have had failed relationships I still believe ‘the one’ is out there somewhere, and if he isn’t well at least I’m having fun trying to find him! Sure I get a bit lonely here and there but let me tell you it’s way more bearable being alone and single than being alone and in a relationship!
So, if you are going through this right now then just know that it’s not all doom and gloom. Sometimes no one and nothing is to blame. Human love isn’t actually ‘designed’ to last forever believe it or not and it’s actually normal to outgrown relationships! That’s not to say it’s something we should strive for (Thank you, Next) but ultimately you have 1 very short time to enjoy this human experience and enjoy it you must!
Please reach out to me if you have any questions and / or need support with anything related.